Goodbye Love
by alizabethianrose
Summary: With the one man Jeff has always turned to gone he must find the strength in himself to go after what he really wants. If only he knew what that was. SLASH Hardycest Jeff Hardy/Undertaker Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy


I do not own anyone from the WWE though I wish I did. This story has slash, hardycest, and character death. If you don't like it just don't read it. Feedback is like crack very addicting and good so please let me know what you think.

Chapter 1

Jeff stood in silent grief. He watched as the casket was slowly lowered into the ground. He felt his breath catching and knew he had to look away. No one would understand if he had a public breakdown now. No one had known about them. No one except Matt that is. His gaze flew to his brother standing across the grave site. He had never felt so far away from Matt as he did now. When he needed his brother the most they stood miles apart. Jeff blinked back the tears. He had been so close to his brother once, closer then the law allowed and now Matt wouldn't even look at him or speak to him. He heard the muffled sobs of his lovers wife's as the body was laid to its finally resting place. Jeff stared at the figure of Stephanie McMahon and hated her more then he had known possible. Hunter had been his world and she had stolen it away from him. They had still fooled around after the wedding but it had never been the same. He felt cold dark eyes glaring into his soul and quickly turned to look at Matt. He saw a brief glance of pity but it was gone as fast as it had appeared. He picked up a clump of the cold earth and allowed it to fall from his hand onto the coffin below. He turned and quickly made his way from the cemetery. Glancing into his windshield as he drove away he saw his brother walking with him, his soon to be husband and felt his blood boil. Matt knew how he felt about the man. Jeff had the feeling that was why Matt chose him. Chris Jericho was a pompous ass and didn't remotely deserve his brother. Jeff sighed it was his own fault if he hadn't been so afraid of what they had he'd still be with Matt.

Jeff looked back at the road driving to the nearest bar he order a glass of JD on the rocks and told the bartender to keep them coming. He usually wasn't much of a drinker but at that moment needed something to fill the emptiness. That's what Hunter had done for him, he had felt so alone when Hunter had entered his life and the accident had stolen that small comfort from him. Jeff's mind settled into memories of a happier time. He had been so young and naive just barely eighteen not understanding the looks his brother had been sending him when they were alone. Not until that night when protest had died upon his lips as Matt had claimed him for his own. Jeff remembered laying there after his brothers arms wrapped securely around him. Jeff had felt protected loved and safe. He had fallen asleep listening to the sounds of the rain hitting the roof and his brother light breathing. He ached for those arms now. The echo of that breathing permanently burned into his existence.

Hunter had been the one to help Jeff clean up his life. He'd put the focus back onto wrestling and had rekindled the desire. He'd pulled Jeff out of his self-pity and despair at learning of Matt and Chris's relationship. Hunter had never asked questions why it had affected Jeff so much just held him when he cried and made sure he didn't hurt himself when the anger took over. Jeff had no one but himself to blame he had after all broken up with Matt. He told Matt they needed to find a healthy relationship. That what they had was wrong. He needed space to breath, to think. Jeff had gotten his space and Matt had found happiness with Jericho. Seeing them together still felt like a knife twisting in his gut. Their wedding was only two weeks away. He didn't know if he could survive it. With Hunter gone his sanity was slowly slipping away and though Matt and him were currently not on speaking terms he was fully expected to go to the ceremony. He closed his eyes tightly his mind replaying the conversation with his father. He had tried to get out of the wedding but had failed. His father informing him that he had to be there after all Matt was going to be moving with Chris to Canada so the marriage was legal. He hadn't the blond Canadian more for taking his brother away from him. Being near Matt was hard enough but being unable to see Matt was going to kill him.

Jeff reached for another drink and felt a large hand take his wrist. His eyes flew open and he looked up into the face of the Undertaker. Mark's eyes looked concerned and Jeff bit his lip to stop himself from bursting into sobs. "This isn't going to help Skittles" Mark spoke softly using the nickname Hunter had called him. Jeff looked at him startled. Mark smiled slightly. "He loved you, ya know. Told me so once. Back when we were feuding, the ladder match. Told me if I hurt you he would break me. When I questioned him later he let it slip that he was in love with you. Told me you were this little bipolar nymph that had entranced him and he didn't ever want to be saved." Jeff took in the words and felt his world crumble. He'd always kept Hunter at arms reach never allowing him to talk about how he felt. Jeff realized now only too late how selfish he was. Sobs overtook his body and Mark took the shaking young man into his arms holding him tightly. Jeff just clung to Mark taking comfort in the big man's embrace. He couldn't do it anymore smile when his heart was breaking inside. How was he going to get threw? Oh God he needed Matt he thought as Mark offered small words of comfort. "Just let it out Skittles. It's going to be okay I promise."

Jeff took a slow deep breath and wiped his eyes "Sorry I cried all over ya. I uhh don't know what came over me" Mark chuckled and gave Jeff a rare smile.

"Don't worry about it kid I don't melt and I sure as hell am not worried about the shirt. Not like it's Gucci" Jeff cocked his head and smirked.

"No offense Mark but the day you wear Gucci is the day my hair is it's natural color." Mark's deep baritone laugh filled the bar room and he ruffled the fiery red, and purple passion locks of Jeff's hair.

"Come on Skittles let's get out of here. I'll buy ya a cup of coffee and take ya to your hotel. We'll come back for your car tomorrow when your a bit sober" Jeff was about to tell Mark that he'd only had one glass but decided the company sound nice and that he wanted to be around someone who slightly understood him.

"I umm guess coffee sounds good but I don't have a hotel room I didn't plan on spending the night here." Mark raised his eyebrows and thought about it.

"Well, I guess ya could come back and sleep in my room. I can crash on the couch. You can have the bed."

Jeff shook his head "Nah Mark I'll take the couch. I don't want to be an imposition on ya. Besides you're like eight feet tall or something they don't make couches that big." Mark chuckled.

"Skittles I'm not eight feet tall and I'll take the couch. I'm not that big I'll fit."

"I am taking the couch and you are that big. Are you that big all over Mark?" Jeff looked him up and down seductively

"Hardy boy you are drunk so I'm not even going to answer that question. Plus you are not my type. I don't personally like bipolar little nymphs. I'm kind of bland I enjoy the vanilla of life. Plus I could break you in two Skittles"

"I don't break Mark I'm not the type do your worst and I'll still be standing you should know that." Mark shook his head.

"Physically breaking and emotionally are different. You, I will give all the credit in the world too you can take a beating. However behind your facade is a broken, angry emotional wreck and I refuse to be the next name on the list of people who kick you when your down. I'm not looking for a one night stand skittles but if you need a friend or a shoulder to cry on I'm more then willing to offer you both."

"Riding to my rescue on your white stallion. No thanks I don't need your pity" Jeff snapped his features clouding with anger.

"Not pity, maybe I needed a shoulder to lean on myself. He was one of my best friends to. I just figured you wouldn't want to be alone and I don't either. Also I don't have a white stallion, a nice shiny black motorcycle yeah, no stallions." Jeff chuckled the image of Mark galloping towards him full speed on a white stallion popped into his head. Mark was right a big ole motorcycle pulsating between Mark's legs that image fit him better. Jeff momentarily envisioned himself wrapped around Mark as they soared down the highway. Leaving all the pain behind him. He almost wished Mark could rescue him from well himself. Of course the moment he thought about his past Matt popped into his head. He cursed himself silently. Quickly deciding a change of subject was needed. m

"Why exactly am I not your type again? Because I'm too weird? Because I'm a freak? What was it you were implying there Mark anyway?" Mark took a deep sigh he could tell his young friend was hurting and looking to pick a fight with anyone he just been the person who showed up.

"Look Skittles," Mark stated as he ushered him into the car. "I know you are in a lot of pain right now, so I am going to ignore the fact that you are so asking for a beating. Now to answer your question, you are mainly not my type because you were with Hunter and he's only been in the ground for a few hours." Jeff turned to stare at the passing lights as they drove down the street.

"My fault, all my fault" muttered Jeff. Mark frowned slamming on the brakes and pulling to the side of the road. He turned and grabbed Jeff by the upper arm making Jeff face him.

"NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!" he exclaimed perhaps to harshly he realized when he saw the fear flash briefly in Jeff's eyes.

"This is my fault. He loved me I knew that but, I never let him in complete. I always kept him closed out of my heart. That night we had a fight, I told him I hated him, I said I wished I never meant him and that it would be easier he would just drop dead. I wasn't talking to him but I still said it TO him. He wouldn't have been driving, he would have been with me if only I had just kept my fucking mouth shut. Could I NO, I needed to push him away. I wanted him to hate me. God, I told him everything and he wasn't surprised he just said he knew and that made it worse. I mean was I that fucking obvious!! I told him to leave to never come back Mark. I needed him to hate me and now, now I can never say that I loved him too, I can never tell him I'm sorry for pulling him into my fucked up life. I am so sorry. . ." Mark had a feeling Jeff wanted to say more but the strangled sobs had overtaken the young man's body shaking him to the core. Mark pulled him onto his lap glad he had a rental car. He just held Jeff gently rubbing his back.

"He knew Skittles, he knew you loved him and he wouldn't have stayed in your life if he didn't want to be there. Blaming yourself is going to change anything. You've got to learn to let go Hardy boy or it's going to kill you from the inside out. Hunter didn't care about your past or the fact he had to compete with Matt for a place in your heart. I think in some way it made him love you even more." Jeff looked up with startled jade eyes.

"You know about M. . . Matt?"


End file.
